your thong is hanging out like whoa
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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