$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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