real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
