There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
