I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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