i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
