arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
