Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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