What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
