Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
