Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
