Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
