So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
