Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
