my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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