i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
