I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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