oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize