you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
