Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
