I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize