you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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