Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
