i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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