You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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