Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
