Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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