i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
