i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
