That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
