my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
