Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i out mim tonsoeep
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