I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
