We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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