p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
