life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
