i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
