my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
