Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
