WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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