Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
