i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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