i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
