Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Boobs speak an international language.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
