if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
