You're my little dorito
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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