I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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