watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
