hell yes lets make some ravioli
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
