I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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