I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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