I wish I could punch you in the face.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
