I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
