just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
