he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
