Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
