Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
