Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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