Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize