what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
