Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
