I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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