I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
