He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
