I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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