More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I stole a fireplace last night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
