she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Congratulations! We have a period
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