ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
