I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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