she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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