Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
