We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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