Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
