I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's Friday. Sex?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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