And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My penis needs a shock collar
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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