The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
