She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
