About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
