Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
