i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
