Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
