My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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